Why is this so hard?

This week has been busy with all kinds of “mom things” you know laundry, dishes, getting out the decorations and getting the house cleaned and prepped in order to decorate, parent teacher conferences, meetings and church callings, getting lunches made and babies showered and dinner thought about not to mention MADE! Hubby’s car has been in the shop all week which means he’s been taking my van to work and so it’s been more challenging to think about chores and errands the day before so we can do them at night if we have time. I have been trying to get my scripture reading in and by 9pm I’m exhausted. I haven’t been running in who knows how long because I feel like I can’t catch my breath just during the day. I have been thinking, why does everything have to get so crazy? Why do I have to be the one that takes care of and finds and cleans everything? What did I sign up for? And then today I woke up with the gumption and desire to be my best and I realized for the last 2 weeks I have been in a funk and didn’t know it. Today it seems to be over (or maybe it’s a fluke) but I had a friend share with me yesterday that sometimes we sink into darkness so gradually that we dont’ even realize that we are missing the light and that got me thinking:
How much light are you creating? How much light are you giving to those around you? How can you help others who don’t realize they have sunk into darkness? How do you know who wants to sit in darkness and who doesn’t realize it’s dark? Who can you sit in the dark with when they don’t want to come out and how do you do that without losing your own light? How do you keep your light burning bright and not just dimly?
Sometimes, I get overwhelmed with the what ifs, how to’s, and to do’s. And that’s when I usually realize that I’m neglecting my own light. If I don’t care for my light and pay strict attention to my well being I get really frustrated with HAVING to take care of everyone else. But then that sounds selfish to me that “if I don’t take care of me no one else can be taken care of” but it really is that whole, “Fill your own water bucket before you start handing out glasses of water to everyone else.”
So my question this week is; What are you doing to care for your own light?

Midnight

Sometimes, in the middle of the night I can't sleep. Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I get up and wander around my house in the dark. It's a new and unique perspective to quietly walk the kitchen. It's comforting to look at the couch where I slept for the first few months of my daughters life because she wouldn't sleep any other way. It's calming to look at my table where the boys would build a fort and play. I look at all the pictures on the wall and feel slightly sad at how quickly my kids are growing. I see the vacuum lines on my carpet where my oldest tried his hardest to get them just right and I remember my own mom teaching me how to vacuum backwards so I didn't leave footprints in the vacuum lines. I look at my home in the dark and I am so thankful for all the good things in my life that are small to everyone else but so amazing to me. I'm thankful for the dirty dishes that mean we had a fun family dinner. I'm thankful for the laundry and the little peanut butter  handprints on the slider. I'm thankful for the tiny socks and shoes all over the house. I'm excited for a bigger home down the road but for now, I am so incredibly thankful for this small home and the fun we have between these few walls.

Snow Day

We are on day 4 of a snow day. Which means that my kids have basically had a 3 week winter break. I love having them home, I do. I love hanging out with them and listening to their play. What I miss is being able to go out shopping during the day. I miss the sanity that going outside and being in the sunshine brings to me. I wish my kids liked playing outside in the snow. My husband likes playing in the snow, I do not. I don't like being cold in any form. I can handle sunburns but I can't handle being shut in and freezing. Winter is not my friend. I know lots of people who love it, I am not one of those people. And you know what? THAT'S OKAY! I love that other people love winter, I love that they find fun things to do in the snow. I would have rather been born a bear. Hibernation is where it is at for me. I love the idea of eating and playing all summer long and then sleeping all winter. That sounds ideal.
But you know, I can't help but love watching the snow fall at night. And I love the way it makes my tree in my front yard look. And I really do love wearing beanies and hoodies. And the hot chocolate makes it all worth it. So I guess, I do like winter (in small doses)