I am just going to come right out and say it. This morning SUCKED! My mother would cringe at that word. I am a grown woman and a mom myself and I still duck my head when I say that word because I know it would be like nails on a chalkboard to my mom. She believes in, what I like to call, "high class words". There is a Downton Abbey quote (I only got through 3 seasons but I liked it enough) that I always think of my mom when I see it:
We got grounded off the phone for 10 minutes for saying words like: crap, darn, dang, and sucked - which, of course, for any teenager was a lifetime and it happened often. How my mom made it through having 4 teenagers at the same time, I will never know because I feel like I can't handle my 3 kids that are spanned across 8 years.
My oldest (We'll call him D on this blog) turned 8 in March and he is by far my "easy kid" (if there is such a thing) He slept through the night at 3 months old. He takes his responsibilities very seriously, almost too seriously. He likes to help me parent. You would think that it would be super helpful but it's really not. I adore him, I really do. He is the perfect first child for me.
I mean really, he looks like he's 13 already and I can't handle the thought of him leaving home. I know he will rock being out in the big big world but I am just not ready for that. EVER. He was not the entire culprit in this morning chaos though. The culprit was my second kiddo (we'll call him T on this blog) who turned 6 in May. He is a sensitive kiddo who struggles with anxiety and the "unknown". I know a lot of kids have a hard time not knowing what's going to happen but with T is stops him in his tracks and his nervous system gets the best of his emotions. He has all of these big emotions that he doesn't know what to do with. He can't sit though a movie without talking and asking questions, which I get - I totally did that as a kid. But he acts out by a mix of emotional meltdowns, not caring and disobedience which is hard to believe from a kid as sweet as this:
but it happens. It's why Kindergarten was so hard from him. He's a momma's boy, a quality time type of kid. So when he feels like he has zero control he "acts out". Which is normal for kids. We need to allow them bad days without joining in their bad days or contributing to their bad days. This morning, I forgot that. This morning was one of those moments where you wish you had a time machine so you could immediately go back and take back that moment where your brain said, "breathe" and your mouth decided that your brain was stupid and didn't know anything so it just flew into a tornado of anger. That moment when you are hearing the words coming out of your mouth and your brain is screaming at you to "for the love of all things wonderful in the world, STOP"!
The Devil really had me in his hands this morning. Over what? The fact that they couldn't pick up 10 square feet of floor space in under 20 minutes. It was only 10 pieces of clothing. 5 pieces of paper and 3 shoes (because shoes never stay in pairs, why is that?) I told them, "I am going to go take a quick shower and I want this room cleaned by the time I get out. Cleaned enough that I can vacuum it."
Was that a difficult request? No. Was it a new chore they have never done before? NO! It's the same thing I tell them EVERY. SINGLE MORNING. before they go to school. They must have their beds made and room cleaned when they leave.
Do they always do it? NO! They don't do it more often than they actually do. So, why was it such a big deal this morning? Could I lie and say it was PMS? Sure, but that would teach my kids that women have an excuse for their bad conduct and women don't have to take responsibility for their emotions and behaviors. I was screaming at them, about something insignificant.
Suddenly, my eyes opened, my heart softened and I could see my children the way their Heavenly Father sees them. The sweet, tender, loving souls that they are. Is a clean room pertinent to their eternal salvation? No. Does it help us feel the promptings of the Holy Ghost easier? I believe so. I believe it helps keep contention out of our home so that we can focus on building strong family relationships. In that moment I was tearing down so many of the strands of trust and comfort that I work so hard to build with my children. I say I want them to be able to tell me anything, but they won't if I blow up over a small thing like a clean room. I say I want them to be able to come to me with anything when they are worried about but they won't if they don't feel like I can't be a nice mommy.
These are my babies. My tiny little besties and I was mean. These tiny humans, MY tiny humans that I try to protect from all the bad in the world, and this morning I was the bad. I can't take that back. I calmed down, I apologized. We said a prayer and asked for forgiveness for fighting, screaming and letting satan grab hold of our emotions. We prayed for strength as a family to do better - BE better. We prayed for patience and reminders of love. We gave lots of hugs, took lots of deep breaths and then I watched them walk to school, with a broken heart because I KNEW how much I had hurt them. This morning was one of those mornings where you could see it turning into a memory and not in a good way.
I came inside and prayed and then heard a tiny knock on the front door and I knew instantly it was T. I knew before I even opened the door what he would want. A hug and a ride to school. That's it. That's all he needed to feel like I loved him again. How amazing is that?! This kid humbled me this morning. Forgiveness was as simple as a hug and a ride. Wouldn't it be amazing if every hurt feeling was so easily fixed? After I dropped them off I got on Pinterest to find some words of comfort and I found this quote:
"No matter what." This needs to be my daily reminder. This needs to be my parenting mantra.
and then I found a million more that helped uplift my soul today and encouraged me to be a better mom. Here are a few of my favorites.
I want to be the mom that my kids NEVER questioned if she loved them. I want to be that mom that my kids bring their friends home and feel comfortable just talking with. I want to be the mom that loves them through every choice they make, good or bad. I want to be the woman they think of when they hear words like loyal, strong, loving, kind, supportive, and fun. I can't do that if I don't control my temper. If I don't control it now over the small stuff, how will I ever help them through the hard stuff? Today was a stepping stone I didn't know I needed. A self evaluation I didn't know was coming but you know what? I can do this! I can be that mom because I KNOW my kids are amazing, good and kind. They are nicer to strangers than they are to me but I wouldn't change that about them. If they take all their worries and stresses out on me I HAVE to be able to handle that, otherwise what good am I as their MOM. The Lord has infinite patience with me, I think I can work harder to have patience with my tiny little babes who have only been at this for a short while. I have had 30 years to get this far and I'm still failing. I need to be able to teach them how to recover from their bad days with grace and kindness. This last quote really hit a chord with me and strengthened my resolve to CREATE a better home for my tiny humans.
Parenting is NOT easy. It's the hardest most exhausting thing I have ever done but it's where I have discovered myself. It's where my soul has grown in a way it couldn't any other way. Some days, it's hard to remember that I am the grown up and we have tried to remind our kids:
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